concern vs 'pakikialam'
It is very unusual for me to talk about other people but I just can't help but to be curious about the difference of these two, the concern and pakikialam. I've experienced this a lot and from my experience, it is in the manner with how things are said, who are the people saying these words and how you accept the words that are sent to you. Concern is when someone you know tells you that what you are doing is wrong. That they would point out to you that they think you should consider other things to improve your life. 'Pakikialam' on the other hand, is when someone just out of the blue will tell you to do this or that because what you are doing is wrong. They may not consider how you feel and just speak what's on their mind...
Question: If you see this situation, will you consider it as concern or 'pakikialam'?
The elder sister (ES) is already 29 years old and has a BF. The BF frequently visits the house and feels accepted by the family. Maybe because of this, he just enters the house without giving recognition to the people that are living there (when they arrive, it is usually in-laws and relatives who are 'nakikitira' in the house who are in the living room) and directly enters the room of ES. Once he enters the room, he stays there and only goes out when its time to eat or when ES calls her out. BF sleeps in the room of ES. Brothers noticed this attitude of BF so they thought of talking to him. Brothers felt that BF doesn't respect their home anymore. BF and ES are sleeping together because ES felt that since her brothers slept with their GFs, she should also do the same. What the brothers wanted to point out is that, (1) BF should pay respect to the people who are in the house whenever they arrive. A simple good afternoon or hello will do, as long as he shows some respect, (2) that if ever he goes to the house he might want to sleep in the another room because when the brothers visit their GFs homes, they are only allowed until the living room, and (3) that he should also visit the house when the Father is home.
Because of these issues, ES feels that her brothers are 'nakikialam' with her life. She feels that she is already old enough to know what's good for her. That her brothers shouldn't tell her what she should do because she is older, has higher position in work and she knows more than what her brothers know .
Brothers, on the other hand, were just showing their concern for her. She reached that age and yet it is only now that she's acting that way. They are also protecting her from what other people might say.
These days, brothers and ES are not talking. They are both clinging to their pride. But who is at fault? Does ES have the right to get angry with her brothers? Are they 'nakikialam' or are they just concern?
Question: If you see this situation, will you consider it as concern or 'pakikialam'?
The elder sister (ES) is already 29 years old and has a BF. The BF frequently visits the house and feels accepted by the family. Maybe because of this, he just enters the house without giving recognition to the people that are living there (when they arrive, it is usually in-laws and relatives who are 'nakikitira' in the house who are in the living room) and directly enters the room of ES. Once he enters the room, he stays there and only goes out when its time to eat or when ES calls her out. BF sleeps in the room of ES. Brothers noticed this attitude of BF so they thought of talking to him. Brothers felt that BF doesn't respect their home anymore. BF and ES are sleeping together because ES felt that since her brothers slept with their GFs, she should also do the same. What the brothers wanted to point out is that, (1) BF should pay respect to the people who are in the house whenever they arrive. A simple good afternoon or hello will do, as long as he shows some respect, (2) that if ever he goes to the house he might want to sleep in the another room because when the brothers visit their GFs homes, they are only allowed until the living room, and (3) that he should also visit the house when the Father is home.
Because of these issues, ES feels that her brothers are 'nakikialam' with her life. She feels that she is already old enough to know what's good for her. That her brothers shouldn't tell her what she should do because she is older, has higher position in work and she knows more than what her brothers know .
Brothers, on the other hand, were just showing their concern for her. She reached that age and yet it is only now that she's acting that way. They are also protecting her from what other people might say.
These days, brothers and ES are not talking. They are both clinging to their pride. But who is at fault? Does ES have the right to get angry with her brothers? Are they 'nakikialam' or are they just concern?
I don't think the bros were 'nakikialam' they simply wanted BF to show respect..
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Hi,
Your topic is very interesting. A lot of people including me get confused between concern & pakikialam. I think it depends on the person how he/she perceive and accept what the other person is telling or suggesting her. Most of the time, we mistake concern for pakikialam simply because we don't agree with the person. Truth always hurt.
I agree with the comment of Vannie. The brothers are only concern for EL. The BF should still pay respect to the family & relatives of EL. And if the BF unintentionally forgotten that, then EL should tell him upfront.
Ayan kinarir ko na pag comment ko...LOL.
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hi sisses
that is what we are trying to advice the ES but she's too proud to accept the fact that the BF needs to show some respect. for her, BF is giving the respect he needs to give...
howell, as I said. we will already able to say what we could say on the matter, and since ES insists what she wants then so be it.
thanks again!
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I think the BF does need to show some respect. He is a guest, after all, and guests do have to know their places. The ES may have a point when she says that she knows what she is doing, but she also has to remember that she is not the only one living in the house and has to show some respect to the rest of the family, even if she is the ate and quite old enough too. I am quite worried for her too...if the BF treats the family this way and they're still BF-GF, then what more if they are already family (if the relationship will last?) -- it really does not reflect well on the BF.
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Hi Mari, bloghopping here
I agree with the above comments. BF should show respect to the people living in the house & to ES's family.
As for ES, she should respect her family too. It's one thing to sleep with your bf but it's another thing to rub that in your family's faces. We're in a modern world, I know, but Filipinos have strict and very traditional values that we still like to maintain. Sana konting discretion man lang.
Teka... nakiki-alam na yata ako. *heehee*
Anyway, yung opinion ko is that the family is concerned and not nakikialam.
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thanks for taking the time to share your comments ladies.
i'm compiling all your comments and replies and i'll try to tell ES about it. I just hope that she will understand...
or baka in the end, if I don't do it right, she might accuse me too of being nakikialam na rin
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Hi Mari, just bloghopping. My two cents'...the BF should be more sensitive to the people living with his GF and he must be polite even if he may do some certain things like stay in the GF's room. If politeness is truly not in his nature, then the GF must think twice about this guy she's standing up to. Is he worth the fight?
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